They didn’t listen, they just didn’t listen: a study linking coercive control to alienation and systems abuse in post-separation co-parenting relationships

Abstract: Through qualitative interviews this thesis draws on the lived experiences of 6 parents; 3 men and 3 women post-separation between 40-65, to understand their co-parenting experiences in relationship to alienation, interpersonal manipulation and systems manipulation. All participants who took part either have been, or are currently, co-parenting with the partner of their child/children. Of the participants that were interviewed, three of the six had experienced complicated dynamics prior to separation. This research enquires about how they negotiated their relationships with their ex-partner and child/children post-separation. Two contemporary issues addressed are the use of coercive control in personal relationships between ex-partners and their children and coercive control in systems and institutions. Coercive control in personal relationships uncovered the subtle control of one parent over the other by cleverly using whatever tools or tactics were available, including manipulating systems, disabling the other parent’s ability to parent effectively and withholding information causing alienation. The use of coercive control in systems and institutions was also evident, ranging from phenomena such as gender bias, manipulation, emotional and financial pressures, to a lack of system connectivity putting parents and children at risk through systems abuse. The Australian Law Reform Commission has taken steps towards improving family law systems, however, have only addressed system oversites in part. From the stories shared in this thesis it would appear that greater information connectivity between government and private agencies could possibly create a safer systems approach for future victims (The Australian Law Reform commission, 2019). From a theoretical standpoint this research has been viewed through the lens of two theories. Firstly, Attachment Theory, then secondly, Bowen’s Family Systems Theory (Systems Theory). These theories have been chosen to enhance understanding of possible implications that arise through the presence of coercive control which can affect co-parenting outcomes (Lowenstein, 2010).