Childhood and the imposition of war: self-blame, absolution/nonabsolution, and vicarious growth in adult children of Vietnam veterans

Little research has included exploration of the interpreted experiences of a childhood overshadowed by a parent’s distress from war. It is important to note that whether being parented by a combat veteran impacts psychological well-being both positively and negatively is unknown. In this phenomenological study, we sought positive and negative interpretations of childhood from the perspective of adult children of Vietnam veterans diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Data were collected through semistructured interviews and analyzed using interpretative phenomenological analysis (IPA). One superordinate theme, making sense of the imposition of war, overarches (a) tragic and turbulent young years and (b) knowing, absolution, and posttraumatic growth. These subthemes encapsulate (i) the interpersonal blame and shame that tenaciously, undermined the “self” throughout their childhood, and (ii) the slow emergence of the self as not responsible, able to absolve, and psychologically grow out of their adversity. Youthful ignorance of a complex war left these participants not understanding why the heavy burden of responsibility became the child’s remit for a father emotionally absent. The opportunity to reexamine childhood distress in adult life has revealed harmful patterns of relational engagement learned in childhood that have repeatedly dogged their adult lives. This honest reappraisal of self has allowed nonjudgmental self-regard to emerge. Forgiveness has been offered to fathers when true reparation was sought. However, nonabsolution did not preclude psychological growth, with positive self-regard replacing misplaced responsibility and self-blame. Therapy can support the coexistence of distress and growth in the aftermath of a father– child relationship irrevocably impacted by combatrelated trauma. In doing so, the “growthful” domain of self-acceptance may facilitate respectful choice in future adult relationships.